It’s been a rather crappy day.
Haven’t blogged in awhile, have a really long post that i’ve been drafting, though. Will post it soon.
I break down even though I’m still strong, And time, will make fools of us all, Builds us up, and then laughs when we fall.
Dad finally decided to talk to me about grades and everything, and i broke down again. How is it that i could gain others’ recognition but not my own Dad’s? I really put in my all, gave in the best i can for this time. It isn’t easy and it’ll never be.
But i guess Lionel’s right. I’ve been through so much, so many setbacks and failures that i’d emerge stronger every time. And i will.
Didn’t do much today – hate these kinda days. Makes you feel absolutely and undeniably pointless. At least when i studied for EOYs, i felt accomplished and stuff. Now that the holidays’ve set in, i really am at a loss of how to spend it. I’d do HCL stuff but after 10th Nov? What’ll i do, then? Tumblr my day away? I really don’t know.
And holidays are just another reminder of days without seeing friends, or seeing you. Cuz i’d not have any reason to spend time with you, anyway. But i’ve given up, given up expecting things that are highly improbable. I don’t want to mope around anymore.
I need places like these. Escapades. Places where i’d just go and think about stuff, clear my mind and feel peaceful. Can’t seem to find such places anymore.
On a side note, i feel kinda bad for pushing people away. Especially my best friend, when all he did was to be there for me. But i really don’t wish to inflict these goddamn moments where i don’t even know why i’m feeling uneasy, onto other people – especially those people who mean something to me. Sorry, but i’d be fine, anyway.
Junior High life’s ended for me, yesterday. It’s gonna be a new phase and i’ve gotta make sure i’d make the best out of it next year.
Till next time.
Post from my Tumblr @ http://sparklinglights.tumblr.com
28 Sept 2011
I’ve been feeling happier with just those little stuff you do – when you bother to tell me stuff, reply me or even acknowledge me.
But i know deep inside, i’m still hurting.
I guess the hardest thing is that people change but memories don’t.
Recently it’s been pathetic, feeling happy just to be able to see you, and just by knowing that you acknowledge my existence. It’s not getting any better and i’m not getting over you, period.
It gets harder through the days cause subconciously, i know how long it’s been since we last spent time together, how long it’s been since everything changed. And it doesn’t help seeing you living life as if my existence in the past meant nothing to you.
There’re so many times where i’d just want to tell you everything, and how much i feel for you. But i won’t because i know you don’t care, and i know that nothing much will change. You’d start ignoring me till i seemingly get over it, when all that’s happening inside me is just the accumulation of bad feelings and all the things i can’t say.
I really shouldn’t be feeling this way now, but i’ve been feeling like this for a long time already. No matter how much i tell myself not to.
It’s been four months, and my feelings are just stronger than before.
I miss you, i miss how we were. But nothing’s gonna change.
I’d learn to let go someday.